Faery Dust

"i don’t think it’s time that heals hearts, but distance from the person you were when you loved." It takes so much courage to fall in love. So much risk to trust someone you barely knew. One moment feeling so sure that he's the one who will always be there for you till the end of time. Then the next, feeling all crushed up because you realized that life is unfair and somehow, disappointments and anxiety keeps hitting in your face. I never thought distance could be a problem. The feeling of insecurity.

Instead of listing a whole bunch of resolution for the new year, I decided that it will be more meaningful to create a Bucket List whereby there are no 'deadlines' to stick to. Good idea? (: Yes, of course!

It has been a good 2 months since the last post. True how being busy can really keep your mind occupied. Keeping it distracted from thinking too much on the things that are beyond my own control. November is coming; no doubt how fast time flies. I could barely count the time anymore; I go by moments. Whenever the year is coming to an end, I will always look back to see how much I went through over the year and how different I am from who I was back then. What exactly did I achieved in that 365 days. What went wrong. It's not something new that I know of, but each year will always be tougher than the previous. The battle is ongoing and the fight should make you stronger each time. Somehow I feel that there will always be piles of thoughts running in my head. Sleepless nights, and nights where I cry to sleep. Oh well, part and parcels of life. What more can I say.

Happy 22nd Birthday to myself! It just feels like another ordinary day. Nothing special except that there are more people noticing my presence and calling upon me. I appreciate all the blessings though! I've got too many wishes and those candles can never be enough for me to make. But all in all, I pray and wish for the people around me to be happy, be blessed with what they have, to have wisdom and strength to overcome life's obstacles, be successful in every aspects of career, love and life, and finally, to be healthy always! As usual, Virgos place others' in priority of their own's. Last wish is for my own rightfulness, my own freedom, my own happiness, and for all that I know, I am not strong enough to stand firm, so I really need this spiritual support from God even though I am not very religious as well. With that, I'd like to wish myself a very happy birthday, for surviving 22 years of living. I wish myself to be more independent, to love my...

First try always didn't work out well But we would never miss on the second try! Woohoo! One of the highest and successful jump shot ever! Sigh, those wonderful carefree days..

I've always wondered if there is anyone else in this world feeling the same way as I do. The desperation, the cries, the feeling of having to get back up on your feet with whatever you have, fighting against your own will, picking up your own guts to do what you are most afraid of. Does anyone ever had to go thru so much on the route to happiness? I promised myself during the last heartbreak, that I would never do this to myself again. The torture, it's just too much for me to endure. With just as many loved ones around me to reach out to, I still couldn't help but choose to survive it all on my own. Oh, what else do I have to lose when all I have had been lost. Survival, is easy now. Just sufficient food intake to give me energy, water to keep me hydrated, some rest to spare me moments of agony. That alone is enough for me to survive. But that doesn't mean I am living. I had no idea where did the past few months went to.. I simply survived it. All I kno...

I've got a feeling that I'm gonna lose myself.

It's so hard to believe that there are so many tragedies going on around the world for the past 7 months! Making life seem so vulnerable, and at the same time, people feeling so helpless about life. When it's bound to happen, it will happen eventually. Imagine having to wake up one fine day, feeling so excited because you'll be going for a fun and adventurous vacation at the other side of the world with your loved ones, but never knew that you're actually heading towards the end of your life. Imagine again, if you're planning to travel alone, leaving behind your loved ones who cried because you will be gone for a period of time and that they will miss you so much. Little did they know that that was the last sight of their beloved child. That last hug and kiss goodbye they give before you make your way to the departure gate. I believe each of us has our own destiny all planned out and written by the one above. Life is definitely short. It is also not as eas...

Keep searching. Keep believing. Keep hoping. One day you'd find where you truly belong. You'd come to realize who was truly there for you. You'd get love and happiness that you longed for. Have faith that even if things don't go well today, it will get better tomorrow.. The things that doesn't kill us indeed makes us stronger without us noticing until we truly moved forward. Until we truly passed the storm.

Like a rose , it withers. God,  Please hold my hand and lead me to where I deserve to be. Please guide me and teach me so I could do only what's right. Please give me wisdom, strength & the will to overcome the pain & the loss that I have to go thru. Please protect me against all evils. Put a stop to this excruciating pain. Reward me with the happiness I longed for.  Amen.   

I didn't expect this year to be tougher than the last. Then again, who said it was gonna be any easier. There are times when I really feel so hopeless in everything I do. The decisions I make seems to be wrong all the time. Even my whole life seems so wrong! Maybe the core problem is relationship. Maybe it is family. Maybe it is money. Maybe it is career. Guess I can say that all of them are my problem. I can't choose my own happiness. Maybe because others think I'm still too naive. Well yeah maybe I still am.. I can't go along with the happiness I wanted. I can't fight for the man I love. Neither does he want to fight for me. I can't get my freedom. Maybe because I'm the youngest in my family. I'm being doted the most, being protected from the bad. I can't do shit with the money I have. Though I don't shop at all, money seems to be depleting. I can't even excel in my work, I'm lost in direction, I'm just walking becau...

For the rest of 2014.. I need to stand strong. Even if it means standing alone..

It's already 2014. Almost halfway thru the month of January. Started off really well, so let's hope it would stay this way and end well too. What can I say about 2013? I was sick for literally more than half of the year (got me feeling like I almost died). For the first time ever, I had to evacuate out of my own house due to the heavy flood all around Jakarta. My university life ended with a moderate GPA (who cares, I graduated anyway). I struggled with love; tried to deny the love for someone, and accept the love from someone but ended up hurting him. I was being forced to make more friends in the most unpleasant way ever (well, at least to me it is). I traveled to several countries with/without my family; Singapore, Japan, Melbourne, New Zealand, Korea, Surabaya (thank you God, I'm more than grateful and blessed for what you've given me). I went to two major mandarin concerts that I've been waiting for so long; Wang Lee Hom and Jay Chou (both of them a...