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Showing posts from 2010
C H R I S T M A S   E V E my lovely friends. Gifts exchanged :D Merry Christmas <3 May this friendship last. Family <3 Random pose  ;D Merry Christmas, <3 C H R I S T M A S D A Y   The only decent picture i have!! Spent my Christmas Day with Cindy Clarissa, Harvest, Phyone & Chia Hon. Played Monopoly Deal, New Zealand's drinking game, & supper at Spize <3 It was hell fun, I had the best Christmas day ever, in my whole entire life so far !!
Cindy went off to China this morning. Damn :'( When am I gonna see her again? Next year? Well, maybe. But if I'm not coming back to Singapore next year, then I'll probably be seeing her after I graduate from Monash University. That's like, another 2½ years to go. :( I've been having too much fun for the past days.. I wish I could repeat those days but it's impossible. It's 29th dec today, and I'm leaving on the 2nd of Jan.. Damn, how am I gonna say goodbye to my friends again? I have to come back on February.. I need to meet my friends for the 'last' time before I go Aussie. I want to spend more time here. I know that somehow, my parents wouldn't want me to come back here... But I'll keep hoping and praying, wishing and dreaming, that they'll allow me to come back to Singapore on Feb.
I fucking love the freedom here. I've been staying out till late, and this is the life i've been talking about. My dream life. I've had so much fun for the past days, and now, i'm starting to count the days to my departure date. I dont feel like leaving Singapore. It's not about the country, but the people in the country. I really wish i could stay behind and have more memories with my awesome friends. :( And oh, i got so addicted to this drinking game! Thanks to someone (LOL). It's a short game but it can make everyone go high and get drunk. OH MAN, now i really have this urge to drink again. By the way, i've had the best of the best Christmas day ever!!!! I've got this good feeling that my 2010 would end off well :)
I'm taking back my words. I think i'm still not ready to meet you. I wrote a letter for you though, which i think i'm gonna summarize and put here. You might not read it, but it's ok cos it makes me feel better if i blog it out. I'm sorry cos it still hurts whenever i see you. It brings back all the good and bad memories that we have and it just makes me feel so bad and regretful about everything that happened. 2010 is about to end, and i really hope 2011 would work out well for you. I hope to see a better you. Stop making your parents worry so much about you :)
Hell yeah, i apologize for not updating this blog. Well, my great grandma died last week, at the age of 91. It was such a sad weekend. Everyone showed up with deep dark circles, eyebags and teary eyes. I felt absolutely sad even though i wasn't really close to her. I could imagine how the people who were closer to her feel about her loss. During the closing of the coffin, everyone cried when we were down on our knees, praying and making sure we keep our heads down and eyes closed. I may not be close to her when she was alive, but i felt the piercings, the stings, the heartaches. I told myself to be strong, despite that, tears still flow down my cheeks. It was such a sad weekend. People were born, they live, they find happiness, they create new generation, they grow old, and eventually, they die. What's really important in life, is the way you lead your life, from when you were born until the day you stopped breathing. My great grandma lived, she found happiness, ...
My life is so dull. It's all black and white. Something is missing in my life, maybe someone? I don't feel complete at all. Maybe that's how life is. No one would ever feel complete. No one would ever be satisfied. No matter how much effort you put in, you'd still think that you have not given your best. No matter how many times you succeed, you'd still feel that it's never enough. Life's an irony, seriously.
Curious.
I know you don't like me going Singapore. But please think of what you've promised me before i agreed to come back here for college. You said i could go back Singapore whenever i have holidays. But how come it seems like i've been here for 8 months, and been to Singapore only once? And it's not like i get to spend my whole holidays there. I got to spend only a few days there. So can't you please, just allow me to go Singapore. Stop having plans to go anywhere further. I am not interested. And, if you think i'm gonna do something bad if i go Singapore, then you're so wrong. All i wanted was at least a week of freedom. I just wanted to meet my friends, catch up with each other, and spend time together. I have no other intention :( You know, i was fucking happy when i heard i'm going to Singapore on 30th Sept. I swear. I even countdown to that date. I couldn't wait to meet my friends there. I even made plans. I was so excited, you co...
"meskipun engkau tlah pergi mungkin takkan kembali aku di sini tetap di sini sayangku aku masih rindu padamu aku masih sayang padamu meski kini cintamu bukan aku dan kini aku tahu jendela hatimu tertutup untukku ingin ku lihat lagi wajah yang selalu ku rindu"
I'm here, I'll always be here, waiting for you. I hope our path would cross again sometime in the future. I hope we'd bump onto each other somewhere, someday. I really wish we could spend some time alone, talking about things i never knew. I miss you, i really do. I'm not gonna find you because i don't wanna ruin your relationship. Let fate decides, Let time heal this wound, Let God plan our future. But for now, I'm still staying here, waiting for you.
You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true. - Grey's Anatomy
MTV is AWESOME!!! We finished our business communication essay within 2 hours! How cool is that? And we did it without planning!!! 2000 words essay; full report !! I think we're really awesome, seriously.
"The greatest irony of life is loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right and finding out you love someone after that person walks out from your life and sometimes you think you’re already over a person but when you see them smile at you, you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again." It's you, it has been you. My first love, are you my true love?

Grateful.

I'm 18 now.31st August. I always thought that the grass will never be green on my side again. But on this very day, all of you made the grass greener than it has ever been. Thank you so much for the sweet surprise <3 Melissa is the one taking this picture :( <3 MTV MOT,*Infinity Hearts* Melissa.Ema.Astina Love Not forgetting about my family , Delicious Cake! Thank you so much. It meant really a lot to me.  Those sweet surprise, wonderful presents, awesome dinner, creamy cakes, and most importantly, those who were there to celebrate my 18th birthday; Thank you.

At the edge of 17

We'll all be :) It's a few hours' away before i officially turn 18. I could remember vividly how i feel last year, this day. I was feeling excited and elated, like even though there were no plan for celebration, at the very least, I'd be able to enjoy my birthday together with my classmates, and beloved teachers. Plus, my birthday always fall on Teachers Day, which means there'd be no class + an early dismissal! Isn't that what students always look forward to? Yeah, i'm one of those who looked forward to such days. However, for some reason, i feel different this year, now. I don't feel excited anymore, maybe a little but more of feeling scared. Like i'm not ready to move on, i still wanna stay as 17. I'm not sure how to explain the way i feel now; insecure, anxious, uncertainty.. C'mon Vera, a brand new day tomorrow, the start of the journey, and a change for the future. Be excited, and happy please!! :'(
Happy 21st Birthday, my dearest Joe Jonas ♥      Life's a constant change. Nothing stays the same. So why am I not changing too?
I have to be strong. Thank you so much,friends ♥ All of you taught me to be strong, And from now on, you guys will the reason for my smile, my happiness. Love you guys, so much.

A sudden regret

I was so hyper with my MTV MOT in Facebook when suddenly a click stops everything. Yes, i don't know why, my heart doesn't want to listen to what i say anymore. My heart is starting to control me, i can't help it but to click on his profile account. I kept saying to myself, ' Vera, stop looking at the past, it's over, nothing can be done. So stop looking at his profile and get hurt in the end ' But i just couldn't help it. Seeing him smiling so happily with her, used to make me happy, and relieved. But not anymore now, it's like making the wound in my heart grow bigger instead. It's been about 3 years, why can't i forget bout you? I was the one who let you go. I was the one who was so heartless and so persistent to make you go. I was the one who made a mess, who broke your heart so badly. I was the one who thought there were no hope in our love. Maybe i was wrong. But then again, maybe i was right. I don't know, I really don...
it's tough, y'knw. it's like going against my heart, it's painful, it hurts. Sorry peeps, i know i haven't been updating my blog. Basically, i was too busy with college and i couldn't find time to blog. Time flies, i can't believe it. One moment i was in Singapore with my beloved friends, and the next moment, i was already back here, in Jakarta. Heh, i've been in Jakarta International College (JIC) for about 6 months. I've met new people, gotten new experiences, learnt new stuff, done my first semester well, and lastly, adapted well to the new part of the chapter in my life. I don't know what's gonna happen in the future, i honestly do not want to know but i hope everything would go smoothly and well for me. I still miss my secondary school life, and friends in Singapore. I know i have to look forward, and stop looking back. It's difficult but I'll try. In some way, I recognize that I will never be fully over you, a...
A few more days to spend with my friends :( I wonder, when will i see them again? When am i coming to Singapore again? Sigh.
I'M GONNA CHILL OUT AT HARD ROCK CAFE TONIGHT ! SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT  !!  DRINK & SWALLOW THOSE SORROWS ! TONIGHT'S A NIGHT TO LOOK FORWARD , &  TONIGHT'S GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT! & I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET MAH GIRLS & GUYS IN SINGAPORE NEXT WEEK !!!  *puts in infinity hearts*
This post is especially for bestie I guess!! :D Can't reply her comment in my previous post, so decided to reply by composing a new post. Dear bestie, thanks for being so supportive & for being there for me even though we're miles apart!! Well, you're right, it is what you're thinking about. I have tried letting go, almost fell in love again, but I chose not to!! I wanna be single, I'm not ready to be committed in a relationship yet. And besides that, I wanna get committed in studies & friends. Time is already so limited, if I fall in love again, it'll occupy my studying time! You know I'm easily affected right ? :) & now, I can do well in my studies, because I'm not attached to anyone. Even though I still have feelings for him, it won't affect me as bad when he fall in love with someone else. Probably because I know he's not mine & I don't have any more rights to be jealous. I'm moving on, with him still in my heart. ...
You've found a replacement :') Am I supposed to be glad? Part of me is happy, another part of me isn't. But no matter what, it's time for me to let go of you. Goodbye.
It's 2nd of June today. In 2 months & 29 days time, I'm turning 18. In two years' time, I'll be 20. That's super fast. Each year seems to pass faster & faster to me. Just felt as if I just entered college a month ago. But look, now we're on our first holiday, starting trimester 2 next month. In a blink of an eye, we'd be on our way to Aussie, starting university year 2. Oh my, time really scares me. It goes faster & faster each year. I can't catch up with the pace. Everything seems to move & change so fast. That's what made me scared of the future. I just can't seem to predict & foresee what my future would be like. Or am I just thinking way too much?
As a friend , I wish you the best for a brand new life there. As a friend , I'll miss your presence. As a friend , I hope you'd come back fast. As a friend , I thank you for giving me friendship. As a friend , I thank you for giving me memories to look back at. Take care, my friend . I lost a friend here, but I hope you'd remember me as a friend when you're back. Till then, friend , take good care & be happy. This is how much I cherish friendship, regardless of gender & age, race & religion. When a friend leaves, my heart feels suffocated, feels like my heart is sinking..
It's been such a long time since i last updated my blog. I just returned from Surabaya on last Sunday. It was my second visit and well, i've yet to know what are the nice places to hang out at. But it's definitely a nice place for you to relax, because their traffic jams were much lesser and the population there are definitely not as much as Jakarta!! By the way, for the next few days, i'll be mugging hard for final exams.. Hopefully i'd achieve my targets :D So, for the time being, i'll be on a hiatus.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS !  I REACHED SCHOOL ONE AND A HALF HOURS EARLIER! AND I HAVE TIME TO FACEBOOK & BLOG ! BUT,I REALLY FEEL LIKE SHIT BECAUSE I COULD HAVE USED THE TIME TO SLEEP AT HOME! OR MAYBE REVISE FOR MANAGEMENT TEST! ARGH, I FEEL LIKE SHIT SERIOUSLY !!
Been long since i last blogged. Because i was too busy and caught up with assignments and test!! Damn, i'm already thinking of having fun but i still have to do my essay and revise for test :/ However, i had time to chill with my classmates yesterday :D   Rocks to the Max <3 :D   Can't wait to see more toys joining them!! Went to watch ' Double Feature Toy Story 1 & 2, 3D ' !! It's like watching two movie continuously at the price of one :D Worth the time watching because it's so awesome! & also, it was my first time watching Toy Story :P It was a great warm-up for people so that they can recall the previous series of Toy Story before the 3rd one is released. I am so excited to watch ' Toy Story 3, 3D ' :D Cannot wait for it! Anyone wanna watch with meeee ?!!! I'm feeling so happy and hyper right now! Because it's FRIDAY today and tomorrow's SATURDAY! NO SCHOOL,WOOHOO!! But as usual, i'm gonna stay put at ...
This is probably one of those days when I’d blog about something happy and not emotional. And also the first time i ever upload pictures of me and my new friends :) Introducing, my new friends from Monash College : Teresa   Melissa   Ema & Yanto There's still Adrian, Astina & Xaverian :) Today’s Accounting Test 2 was tough, for me at least.. At first I was a little bothered by it, not sad, not worried, more like.. feeling as though I just wasted my chance to score well this time? But after few minutes of crapping with friends, I was back to normal; the crappy me, of course. I felt kinda relieved and glad now, for I’ve fully revised and understand what my standard is. So at least I can work harder for my final exam on May :D I just hope for a pass for this current test, that’s all :) After school, went to karaoke & played arcade with two of my classmates; Ema & Yanto! Unfortunately, the rest of our classmates couldn't join us because of their busy plans...
  Have i told you lately.. Have i mentioned that the micro-economics presentation last week, was postponed because Mr Junaad was absent? Because of that, i had a full day of rest at home :D But of course, a day of rest is never enough for a lazy bug like me. We had the presentation today and guess what. He didn't even inform us -.- Good thing all of us brought our formal clothes with us, so at least, we're physically prepared. Damn, you should see how pale and stress-looking my face was before and during the presentation! I swear my legs felt soft and my hands were as cold as ice. My heartbeat increased by a thousand fold and it was beating so fast that it felt as though it was going to fall out of its place. But am glad it's over, like finally can get it out of my head. However, I still have undone tasks for this week ; Reflective Essay 3 and Revision for Accounting Test 2 ! I'm looking forward to the karaoke session with classmates on Friday :D Oh ya, ...
Today's Saturday and i've got nowhere to go. I remember i used to go out almost everyday at Singapore. There was rarely a day when i head home straight after school there. And the only time when i mugged hard, was when i had a major exam the following day. I didn't study much for tests either. That's why, i was glad, or shall i say relieved, when i knew i got 16 points for O'levels. Cause i did my revision at the nick of time, and due to the lack of revision, i knew i've made a lot of mistake in the papers. Ah, but whatever it is, they're all over and thank god i can enter this college which requires at least 23 points, C6 for English, and C6 for Mathematics. However, i never thought this college would be so.... tough? maybe not tough. But lots of assignments with datelines close to one another. And followed by tests, that means a lot to one because it affects the overall grade. So fuck . People say college is more fun than high school. I...
I miss those days, when we had random talks about our life. I miss having to go crazy and share joys with you guys. I've yet to laugh like how i used to when i was with you guys. The laughter that makes everyone else stare and laugh along.
When you're not strong, i'll be there to help you carry on. Lean on me, my friend. For it won't be long till i'm gonna need somebody to lean on.
Believe it or not, i am working on my research for micro-economics presentation. Jeez, i just wanna have enough time to finish all assignments on time. I still have lots of assignments undone, and plus the tests that i'll be having in one week time. Oh my gosh, god, please allow my brains to function better and longer! I still have to revise my accounting later. It seems like i got hit by my lecturer's words on Thursday. Like Mrs Palan, she told us that accounting is not a subject whereby you could study last minute overnight before the actual exam. She also advised us to revise after each topic is taught and make sure we fully understand them. Otherwise, we'd not be able to make it as it goes deeper. Her words really made an impact but sadly, there's just too much distractions and temptations, thus i procrastinated again :( I wonder if all accounting teachers are like that, fierce on the outside but kind in the inside. I never thought i'd be touching ...
A list of cravings : Cheese Fries, KFC Arrabiata Pasta, Pastamania Creamy Chicken Pasta, Pastamania Hokkaido Ice Cream Shaker Fries, Mc Donald Chicken McNugget + Garlic Chilli, Mc Donald  Subway Mee Pok, Kopitiam/ Koufu Long John Silver XXL Chicken All can be found only in Singapore :(
The happiest feeling ever is,  knowing that he could be with any other girl in the entire world ,  but he chooses to be with you .   - Tumblr Then guess what's the saddest feeling ever?  It is when he chooses you, holds you tight,gives you everything you want,loves you, and yet has to leave. i'd rather not cross your path. i'd rather not know you. i'd rather walk pass you, not having to smile because we are real strangers, not because we want to avoid the eye contact to prevent being hurt once again. You came and left. No, you weren't the one who left. I left you, torn and heartbroken, lonely and unloved. i'd very much loved to stay and i know, that you're worth the fight,definitely. But, how long more must i fight? i can't fight forever.  You and I, shall walk separate ways to find our own happiness. You were once my happiness, not anymore now. It's all aches and tears whenever i'm in sight of you. Oh, Happy April's Fool Day :)...
Dearest Vera , how long more are you gonna hide? Time to face reality, time to face yourself. It's time to return those memories back to where they belong. It's time to bury them deep down into the crust of the Earth, and never to dig them out again. It's really time to let them go, set them free and be happy. Cause Vera, you've took too long. 
Totally remind me of my best friend , CINDY CLARISSA ADRIAAN  Never Alone By Lady Antebellum Feat Jim Brickman May the angels protect you Trouble neglect you And heaven accept you when it's time to go home May you always have plenty Your glass never empty Know in your belly You're never alone May your tears come from laughing You find friends worth having With every year passing They mean more than gold May you win but stay humble Smile more than grumble And know when you stumble You're never alone Never alone Never alone I'll be in every beat of your heart When you face the unknown Wherever you fly This isn't goodbye My love will follow you stay with you Baby you're never alone Well, I have to be honest As much as I want it I'm not gonna promise that cold winds won't blow So when hard times have found you And your fear surround you Wrap my love around you You're never alone Never alone Never alone I'll be i...
Jeez, i can't afford to waste any time. Still have management essay, reflective essay, & micro-eonomics presentation to do :( And clock is ticking every minute! Dear time,  Can you stop for a moment so that i could catch up with you?   Faithfully & Sincerely, Vera Pootee  
Omg! Can't believe I'm meeting Jessica in a minute!!! And will be watching 'Green Zone' with her!! Hahaha, I'm so happy, finally get to hang out with high school friends!! But sadly, its just this once. She'll be going back Singapore very soon :(
Just because I didn't say anything, doesn't mean that I didn't mind. I just merely didn't want to make a big fuss out of it. I can be nice, but don't ever take advantage of that. I am not what you think I am. No longer that naïve girl, and no longer a pushover.. So don't try me.
Omg, I didn't know I can blog using blackberry :D So convenient, now that it works! Sorry, because my blog is all full of words and zero pictures. That's because my internet here is damn slow, sometimes not working at all.. So uploading a picture takes almost forever, and sometimes after waiting for so long, it still might not appear. So, I find it pointless to wait. I don't know who on Earth is reading my blog, but I'm thankful enough no one spams me :D Speaking of which, I've been dreaming of my girlfriends and few teachers that are in Singapore. I guess I've been missing them too much. And I know this has got to stop one day. It should stop now!!
'I never knew just what a smile was worth but your eyes say everything without a single word.' I wish I could stop the clock, make time stand still. I deeply miss , you . all of you... 
Was feeling elated when i finished my accounting quiz before the time's up and able to balance my damn freaking balance sheet!!! BUTTTT !!! , i used the wrong format and didn't include 2 of the transactions :( After the teacher had gone through all questions, i started praying from deep inside my heart that I'd at least pass this pathetic first test.. Wanted to upload a picture to share with the world out there.. But blogger disallow me :( It's a picture of me and my childhood + room-mate (used to be) + best friend of mine. She have been there for me, physically and mentally, whenever I needed her the most. We've been married in Facebook for 1 year , i think :D But anyway, facebook reminded me that tomorrow's our anniversary.. So i just wanted to post a picture of us, looking so loving together :P If she is reading this, then it would be even greater. There's this one sentence that she said to me before i leave Singapore, one sentence that made...
I was released at 12.30 pm from school today because Mr Junaad was absent ! YAY, all of us literally jumped up and down screaming for joy !! I reached home before 2 pm but couldn't start studying straight due to my grumbling stomach. So i ate noodles (AGAIN) to keep my dragon satisfied and my tummy warm :D For the sake of the accounting quiz tomorrow, i sacrificed my afternoon nap to memorize and get ready for it. Hopefully i can pass tomorrow's quiz!! By the way, i felt so accomplished when i hand up my first work today! I don't wanna think of my other tasks yet because there really are piles and piles of it ! Time's limited, clock's ticking every second. All i'm looking forward for is just one thing. The day when i'm meeting all bila2, and my girlfriends in Singapore. I'm definitely going to visit GESS if i ever go Singapore.
I haven't been updating this blog because i was busy with work for the past weeks !!! Well,also, the internet have been such a bitch :/ I feel so relieved i'm actually done with my reflective essay for learning studies that are due tomorrow!! Damn, it took me days to finish it !! The questions are simple but i just didn't know the right way to answer it. Sigh, what a dumb girl. First task done, second task coming soon :( I will be having accounting quiz this coming thursday and i hope for the best !! Most of the things learnt in accounting for business is different from POA! And is definitely tougher! Then i have this 1500 words of research essay to be done by week 6 but draft must be ready by this coming friday! Look at the crazy tasks. It will get crazier when i go to college part 2 :( Oh god, lend me a helping hand please. School is getting more fun, in terms of friends , but as for studies, it is getting tougher. This week's lectures are brain wre...
ARGHHHHH SERIOUSLY I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING !!!!  EEEFFF U BLOGGER! :(  NOW I HAVE TO RETYPE EVERYTHING,EVERYTHINGGGGG!!! :( But since i still have the mood to blog,i shall retype... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The big day finally came,and it wasn't as bad as what i expected,except that it was boring! My class only consists of 7 students,including me :D Mini class,easier for lecturers to remember our names,and to focus on individual :D Oh i haven't mention about me being late,due to the heavy traffic jam. Quite pissed off,because i woke up early yet i was late. Whose fault? Stupid traffic jam's fault. damn! Initially there was a class at 8am,but thank god the timetable was changed for some reason. So i wasn't considered as a latecomer and my first class today starts at 10am.. Gah,wasted my 2 hours sitting there,staring at blank spaces and thinking of something but couldnt figure out what. I know i ...
College officially starts tomorrow.. Am i ready? No. Am i scared? Yes. My heartbeat just beats faster whenever i think of school now. Orientation on the 18th and 19th of Feb was purely just talks given by the Principal , Vice Principal, and a lecturer. Introduction about the school was made. Rules and regulations , academic cultures was introduced. College sounds like all work and no play,to me. I hope they can prove me wrong. They say we're considered as university students,and that we're competing with top schools such as harvard,cambridge and oxford. All that's on my mind were words like 'die' , 'shit', and all vulgars you can think of! Seriously,i'm even unsure if i can graduate from this college. Rules and Regulations.. Strictly no plagiarisms. Can't be late. Can't skip school. Can't eat in class. I don't know if i can adapt to it , because i know i haven't been really obeying rules in high school. Seems li...
OH SERIOUSLY,I NEED MORE LUCK!!! I just wrote a whole load of words about my feelings towards my new school and the orientation,and guess what!!! I clicked 'Publish Post' , and the internet went bonkers and got disconnected,then when i click back or refresh,my whole chunk of words aren't there anymore!!! It disappeared just like magic -.- GRRRR!!!! I need a punching bag,anyone can sacrifice?? PS. i'll update about my school next time,when i get enough luck :/